---AskMen.com
No.10 - Sunglasses at night
"Sunglasses at night..."
- Paolo Pazzia, New York, New York
What exactly is the appeal of wearing sunglasses at night? Does she find this mysterious and sexy, as if somehow masking your eyes will conceal your plunging V-neck tee and trucker hat? The douchiest part of wearing sunglasses at night is the aftermath: When your friends post the pictures on Facebook and your profile picture looks, well, something like this one.
No.9 - Excessive tans
"... excessive tans ..."
- Patrick Held, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Spending the day on the beach: cool
Spending the day at the tanning salon: douchey
No.8 - Overdone jeans
" Totally destroyed jeans or jeans with lots of details."
- Rodrigo Clemens, Buenos Aires, Argentina
Remember when rhinestones, graffiti, rips, and loose threads rocked the world of men's jeans? Neither do we. Maybe that's because we're not douches. When it comes to jeans, less is more. Choose dark washes with clean lines. Leave the sequin-embroidered dragon to your little sister.
No.7 - Jeans falling off your arse
"Baggy jeans with boxers showing."
- Carlos David Moreno, Juarez, Mexico
Are you thinking what we're thinking? Well, the guy on the left certainly is: Douche. When you're Chris Brown, or Tom Cruise for that matter, it's hard to dodge the douche title, but giving the world a peek at your backside doesn't help (especially if your belt is a walking billboard). The same rules apply to you too, man.
Somewhere out there, a publicist at Levi's is shedding a tear. Thanks, Chris.
No.6 - Popped collars
"Popped collar polo shirts."
- Ed Kennedy, Montreal, Canada
Whether it's the mid-pop or the full-blown pop (bonus if it's two layered popped collars), you're well on your way to doucheville. Take a deep breath, relax, exhale, and release the pop. Wasn't that easy?
No.5 - Too much jewelry
"Too much jewelry."
- Simon Pacheco, Cape Coral, Florida
Take a look at this picture. Enough said.
No.4 - Deep V-necks
"V-neck anything in public. The deeper the cleavage, the bigger the douche."
- Dario P., Makarska, Croatia
There's simply too many ways this can go wrong: A V frame for your chest hair, a chance to show off your man-boobs, a chance to play hide-and-seek with your nipples. When you're competing with your girlfriend on who has the deepest plunging neckline, there's a problem.
No.3 - Jersey Shore haircuts
"I'm a barber. Jersey Shore haircuts pretty much sh*t on my profession."
- Anthony Hurtado, Anaheim, California
Is it the excessive gel? The dated faux-hawk? Whatever it is, you know it when you see it. Spare yourself the embarrassment and get yourself one of these 2010 men's hairstyles.
No.2 - Ill-fitting clothes
"Any article of clothing that is too tight or too baggy. Whatever happened to just buying clothes that fit properly? If you wear a size large, then buy a large -- not an extra-large and not a small."
- Donovan, Los Angeles, California
Men (read: douchebags) are guilty of this. The adolescent douche generally has a lanky frame, thus, his decision to hide behind a larger size is justified -- well, to him. In truth, he looks like he's drowning in his clothes. The 20-something douche, now more confident in his ways, falls to the other end of the spectrum: tight T-shirts. He spends too much time in the gym for his upper body not to be on display at the club. Consider it his come-hither look (nipples and all).
No.1 - Ed Hardy
"ED HARDY."
- Chris Thomas, Tampa, Florida
Our No. 1 entry comes down to just two words: Ed Hardy. Two words, yet so much room for douchebag error. Where to begin? A "Tattooed For Life" shirt with an effeminate white tiger graphic etched on the back? Check. A "Dedicated To The One I Love" trucker hat (for the sentimental douche, no doubt)? Check.
If the "new arrivals" section on EdHardyShop.com excites you -- or has been bookmarked for regular reference -- it's time to take a hard look at yourself.
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